Goreme and Karanlik Kilise

So, I got my pictures back from our trip to Turkey this summer.  There is one place where we weren't allowed to take pictures, but I really wanted to show it somehow, so I looked up a video on youtube.  This place is located in Cappadocia, in Goreme's Open Air Museum.  

For those who don't know, Cappadocia is an area in central Turkey.  It eroded in such a way so as to leave what people call fairy chimneys.  The chimneys are huge pillars of rock all over the valley.  

When people moved into the area, instead of constructing their own buildings, they dug into the rock and built their houses and their churches.  They created vaulted ceilings, with frescos and mosaics in these churches.

Later, when other groups moved into the area and took it over, they defaced many magnificent frescos, scraping the eyes of the figures in some areas, and completely destroying others.  

Goreme's Open Air Museum allows the public to see many of these churches and houses, but none are so amazing as the dark church.  

The Dark Church (or Karanlik Kilise) is so named because it does not have windows, and so remains dark, which is one reason it is so well preserved.  The other reason it is so intact, is because it is hard to get to.  You first have to climb a few flights of stairs on the outside of the hill.  Then you have to go into the hill and climb up more stairs to get into the church itself.  

After climbing all over the hill side and climbing up and down stairs, we were tired, especially after seeing so many churches with only this sort of image left: 

Because of this weren't in the mood to do any more climbing.  I looked up those stairs and thought "this better be good."  It was. 

Better

This week was so much better, or at least, I feel better about it.  I was still spending 11-ish hours at school, but I did some fun things with my kids.  The planning was BETTER (we went outside and drew the outline of the Americas and Europe to show HOW explorers came to the Americas, oh, and we played American Revolution Tag-- I made it up, ask me sometime).  We got our math curriculum, and now I just have to figure out how to use it before Monday.  :)
I also feel like I have more energy even though the scale doesn't say I am losing weight.  That's fine.  At least I am not exhausted at the end of the day, right?--That first week of school was killer.

Oh, and I joined a Beth Moore Bible study.  It is on the book of James.  I am looking forward to it, even though it looks like it is going to be a tear-jerker.

Now, if you don't mind, I have to learn how to use this new curriculum--by Monday...
good bye

Mediocrity

I know that the world can hear me here, but they don't, not the world.  I do have a few readers and I thank you three (or so) for supporting me as I learn the ins and outs of blogging, but this post is not going to be a happy post, or an angsty post.  It isn't really even a whiny post.  It is a mediocre post.  This is a mediocre post because I am feeling mediocre.

I am not bad at what I do, but I am not good, or at least not right now.

I just finished off a summer of excellence, you must understand.  I didn't have work and I didn't have school, so I became my idea of excellence for myself.  I cooked dinner for my husband and myself, I kept the house clean, I kept the table clear of clutter, instead of cluttering then clearing.  I kept the living room tidy.  I re-organized my books.  I kept up with dishes instead of letting them laze around the sink for a week.  I took the garbage out.  I swept the floor AND mopped it.  I cleaned the bathrooms (multiple times).  I vacuumed.  I was cheerful.  I started going to Curves.  I was social and hung out with people.  I went to Turkey.  In May I finished up my Master's Degree.  I had a summer of excellence.

But now everything is different.  Now I am mediocre.  Now I am back at school and I spend 11 hours there a day.  I don't know what takes me so long either, because I still have to plan, and make copies, and grade papers after the 11 hours are over.  Then when I get home I am too tired to cook, so my husband cooks or we get fast food.  I don't do the dishes as I go, so I have a sink of dishes (or I did until yesterday morning).  The garabage needs to be taken out.  There is junk all over the kitchen table and on the living room floor.  I go to bed at 9:30pm in order to get to sleep so that when I wake up at 5:30 am I am not totally exhausted (just a little) and then I go to work out and my day begins again.

I don't feel like I am doing a GOOD job at anything right now.  I am doing it, and I am not RUINING anything, but I am not doing a GOOD job.

I want more than mediocrity.

I don't have the energy for more though.  Maybe I need organization, because honestly, 11 hours a day is just ridiculous.  Make no mistake, I LOVE my job.  I love it!  But something must be wrong when 11 hours a day is not enough.

On top of that, when we decide to have kids, I CAN'T work that much.  I can't.  So I need to figure this out.

How can I give more, and be more, and be better, without losing all of me?

Because I am tired of mediocrity.

Gripes

This is my little gripe session.  It is not going to be huge or heavy.  Just... I am tired.

I am tired, tired, tired.  Got to school a little after 6:30am, and left a little after 6pm.  My feet hurt.  I am hungry.  I am tired.  I still have more to do.  ALWAYS!

I am not sure if I hate that part or love it.  I am never done.  There is always SOMETHING to do.  Sometimes it is a great thing.  I am NEVER bored.  I can always find something to do.  Always.

Anyway, I am tired.  Oh, and my voice hurts...

The main problem, though, is me.  I forget.  I forget in the middle of it all, in the middle of the questions, the directions, the confusion and chaos.  I forget.  I forget WHO I am there for.  I get tired.
I remember at the beginning of the day, and I remember during Bible time, and on Wednesdays I remember during chapel, but in between, I forget.
I don't forget willfully.  I don't think to myself "I am going to forget WHO I am here for."  I just get lost.  I get lost in the questions, and the OH!s and the Huh?s and the chatter and chaos.  I get lost, and I get tired.

But, when I remember.... When I remember WHO I am there for....When I remember and take a moment....just a moment, to pause, and breathe in, and KNOW, I am refreshed.  I am renewed, and although my feet still hurt, and my voice still hurts, and I am hungry, and I still have more to do, I still feel peace.

Help me remember
Help me to remember the WHO in the midst of life.
Help me to take a moment
Help me to breathe