This is just me taking 10 minutes to get what I am thinking out into the open air. I just have so many thoughts tumbling around in my head, sometimes it helps to get them out of there, and I am a faster typer than I am a hand-writer.
So Jeremy and I are contemplating putting down an offer on a house. This house is gorgeous. I mean, wow! But, it is expensive. I mean, all houses are expensive, and it isn't like, a million-dollar home or anything. It is, however, on the outside range of what we were willing to pay (per month). Now, this wouldn't be a big problem if Jeremy gets a better job, but when you are first hired on, your position is more tenuous than if you had been there for a while. He is nervous (I think) and that makes me nervous.
I have always been a "jump in with both feet" kind of girl. I think things through, but when I have made a decision, I jump. Jeremy and I had talked about our finances, and because I thought the thinking time was over, I saw something I REALLY liked, within our limitations, and I was ready to jump.
I am so grateful for Jeremy, who has the wisdom to take a second look at things, or sometimes a third or fourth look at things. Honestly, sometimes when I jump, things turn out great, but sometimes, I end up frenching a gross stranger in a dingy bar in Anchorage.
Right now I am taking a second look at our decision. We haven't put down the offer yet. We were going to last night, but something came up with the listing and we couldn't. That gave Jeremy the cool-down time to start thinking again, which got me thinking again. At first I thought that if God wanted us there, He would open the door to us, and if He didn't, then the house would cease to be available. Now I am thinking that it is possible that God placed that small obstacle in our path so that we would take a second look at the road ahead.
I am afraid that we SHOULDN'T get the house. Because I WANT it.
Don't you hate it when wisdom and desires come in conflict. Now I have to choose which one wins, and, sadly (for my heart) I am leaning towards wisdom...
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
My devotional today
So lately, I have been thinking about Dietrich Bonhoeffer. If you don't know who he is, I am sure Wikipedia would be happy to tell you. He was an amazing man, though, and honesty wrestled with some serious faith issues he came across. Because of that honesty, and his leading to bravely face his confusion head-on, I greatly respect and admire him. So, when I found this devotional (A 40 Day Journey with Dietrich Bonhoeffer) I was excited. I began reading somewhere in the middle, and I skipped around (missing days here and there). Today, though, I decided to go back to the first day of the devotional.
It spoke to me. It didn't give me ANY answers, but it spoke to me nonetheless, and I though I might share it with you.
Keep praying.
--Me
It spoke to me. It didn't give me ANY answers, but it spoke to me nonetheless, and I though I might share it with you.
Keep praying.
--Me
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Pray for me
I am posting this here because I know only a select-few people read this, and I don't want anything too wide-spread, but I would like prayer.
As you know, my school, Open Bible, is merging next year with CS Lewis.
And I don't know what to do.
I signed a letter of intent already (although that is not a contract) and they have told me that I will probably be teaching 3rd grade next year.
I don't know what to do.
The thing is, there are lots of things:
1. My teaching partner is not moving with me--she is starting a new venture--a kind of homeschool extention program for parents who want a christian education for their kids, but can't afford a Christian school
2. I feel like I am being demoted. I know I am not, quite, really... but after going from a 3rd-4th grade teacher who teaches music, is in charge of the Christmas Program and Spring Fling and is in charge of our school's proffessional development (along with teaching reading to the 5-6th grade), I really kind of feel demoted. They didn't even ask me what I wanted to do. I have my Reading Specialist endorsement, and they are planning on hiring a reading specialist, but they didn't even ask me if I wanted the position. It kind of feels like they are just taking me because they have to. That might not be the case but...
3. I feel like I am moving in this direction simply because I am in this river, and that is the direction the river is taking me. I don't feel MOVED.
4. I want a calling. I want to move because I am being called to move, not just because I am following the path of least resistance.
5. Inside of me, I want to be with my teaching partner, but I haven't heard the voice yet. I haven't gotten the "all clear" from the man upstairs.
It is possible that the word from The Man is that I should just follow this river, and maybe I don't want to, and maybe that is where this uneasy feeling is coming from. But maybe, there is something He is trying to say, one way or the other, that my mind is just to busy to hear.
So, can you pray? All of whoever you are out there who is still reading this? Can you pray that God actually gives me direction? And can you pray that I hear it? And if you feel like God is giving YOU an answer, please be faithful to talk to me about it. I value you.
--Me
As you know, my school, Open Bible, is merging next year with CS Lewis.
And I don't know what to do.
I signed a letter of intent already (although that is not a contract) and they have told me that I will probably be teaching 3rd grade next year.
I don't know what to do.
The thing is, there are lots of things:
1. My teaching partner is not moving with me--she is starting a new venture--a kind of homeschool extention program for parents who want a christian education for their kids, but can't afford a Christian school
2. I feel like I am being demoted. I know I am not, quite, really... but after going from a 3rd-4th grade teacher who teaches music, is in charge of the Christmas Program and Spring Fling and is in charge of our school's proffessional development (along with teaching reading to the 5-6th grade), I really kind of feel demoted. They didn't even ask me what I wanted to do. I have my Reading Specialist endorsement, and they are planning on hiring a reading specialist, but they didn't even ask me if I wanted the position. It kind of feels like they are just taking me because they have to. That might not be the case but...
3. I feel like I am moving in this direction simply because I am in this river, and that is the direction the river is taking me. I don't feel MOVED.
4. I want a calling. I want to move because I am being called to move, not just because I am following the path of least resistance.
5. Inside of me, I want to be with my teaching partner, but I haven't heard the voice yet. I haven't gotten the "all clear" from the man upstairs.
It is possible that the word from The Man is that I should just follow this river, and maybe I don't want to, and maybe that is where this uneasy feeling is coming from. But maybe, there is something He is trying to say, one way or the other, that my mind is just to busy to hear.
So, can you pray? All of whoever you are out there who is still reading this? Can you pray that God actually gives me direction? And can you pray that I hear it? And if you feel like God is giving YOU an answer, please be faithful to talk to me about it. I value you.
--Me
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