The great gift of love

Speaking about giving out of little, and how those who are poor are so willing to give.

 I do know it is always so easy for me to make excuses, give reasons why I can't give--be it time, or money, or whatever.  It always takes me a moment or two to remember that I have so much.  I wonder why, those of us who have much (less than others of course) think we have nothing we can give?

Another thing I do, I might have mentioned before, is I throw money at the problem.  It is so much easier to give money and let someone else do the actual work.  I know they do need the money, but they probably need hands as well.  Not that I have any plans to change that in the near future...I am still trying to figure out when I can sleep and maybe start working out again, because I stay healthier when I work out...

Maybe I will put that on my long list of things to do during my relaxing summer break.

PS a shout out to my man, who took all the night feedings Monday night because I was sick, and did all the night things but one last night.

Also, Pray I can beat this illness--whatever it is--it is weird, with headaches, stomach cramps, achiness, chills, sweats, and sore throat.

Nothing Profound

Yeah, I am being a slacker and not doing my MT stuff today.  Maybe tomorrow.  Today I am unloading...getting stuff down so I can look at them outside myself and maybe get some perspective.

My next three weeks:

Wednesday meet with parents about accreditation info
Thursday meet with parents about next year's tuition
Friday meet with prospective part-time teacher for next year
Saturday shopping for our field trip
Monday meet with coworker about field trip and accreditation
Tuesday get cavity filled
Thursday more tuition meetings
Friday see Maleficent
Saturday Sister's graduation
Tuesday Career Fair
Wednesday last day of school, field day
Thursday-Saturday field trip Camping at Oregon coast for at least 50 people

I guess my  biggest concern is the camping trip.  I am going with Jeremy and the baby, but we won't have any way to easily heat milk for her, so I am going to be doing ALL the feedings, plus I am supposed to be running the field trip.  I don't function well on little sleep, and now instead of just my kids knowing it, all their parents will know it too...

Well, I guess we shall see...but I have to go now...my baby wants her breakfast...

So....tired

Basically the reason I didn't write anything yesterday is that I am exhausted and my laptop was all the way in the kitchen in my backpack...way to far!

Little V has barely been sleeping.  So LOs her age should be getting about 15 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period, and she is currently averaging 10 where she, two weeks ago, was averaging 13.  (BTW, the acronym LO means Little One--It took me forever to figure it out, but I read enough mom forums...).  So during the day yesterday for example, I get her up at 6:30 to feed her and then we go to school.  She naps from about 8:30-10:00, when I feed her again, then she doesn't really sleep again until 5:00.   She took 2 5-minute naps, that's it.  Then she slept for about 1/2 hour, woke up to eat, then slept from 7:30 until 9, when I woke her to feed her before bed time.  Then she went to sleep again, finally, at around 11 (and that is only with her Daddy cuddling her)  She woke me for half an hour at 2:45 to eat, then started getting restless at 4 and began rolling over and getting mad that she couldn't roll the rest of the way.  At 5:30 she decided it was time to wake up, so Daddy is currently cuddling with her so she will sleep until I feed her at 6:30.

I know, you don't want to know all of that, but this is definitely on my mind right now.

Also, I need to grade student work because progress reports were due last Monday, and there are only 4 1/2 weeks of school left.

Also, I somehow need to find a way to sleep more during the week, because MAN!!! this is killing me.

Ok, nap time until I feed her in 20 minutes

--me

chapter 14: To give of yourself

She is talking about how, putting yourself in a position where you are surrounded by need, you feel compelled to love and to give of yourself.  It is there, in the giving, you find who you truly are and were meant to be.

Sometimes  feel generous.  I give my time and attention to those around me.  I can sit with an emotional teenager and walk them through their frustration and pain.  I can talk to a third grader and help them understand that holding games ransom so you get your way is manipulation, and is unfair.  Sometimes I feel generous.

And then there are those other times.  Those many, many other times.  I blame lack of sleep, or lack of food, or probably, and more accurately, lack of patience--which is just me.  There are those times when I don't have time for anyone, or attention to spare from my own endeavors.  There are those times when I am sitting, listening to an emotional teenager, thinking "just get over it!" or sitting and listening to third and fourth graders bicker about a game when I want to say "then don't play together"

I have a lot more of those other times than I care to admit.

I feel today might be one of them.---so help me put that gut reaction aside, and strive for something more, something better.  Help me strive for a generous spirit.  I might need it today--someone might need it from me.

Chapter 13: The warmth of a hand

"Someone loves us--and we were created to love and be loved"

What I appreciate about MT, is that she speaks in the way I think.  I believe that Love is what makes the world go 'round.  I believe that if we just loved people more, and thought of ourselves less, this world would be a better place.

There are others, like me, out there, and there are also those who, like me, follow this thought with their lives, until they are tired and rushed and at the end of their rope--then it is everyone for themselves.

I struggle with that.  I struggle to constantly remind myself that I do know the people around me, and that no, they are not just going to bleed me dry.  When I am sleep deprived, hungry, and frustrated, it takes a concerted effort to remind myself that I know my friends, and when they ask me question after question, they are not just trying to add to my frustration, but to understand what I want and need.

It is so easy to follow though with the Love thing when you are getting plenty of sleep and feel good.  The challenge, then, is to Love through our own inadequacies.  Because, let's face it, how often is  everything that good?  If we wait for it to happen, we will miss out on some awesome opportunities to Love.


Also, pray for me today.  I go to the dentist today and I am sure I am going to come back with a sore mouth and a short temper.

Chapter 12: Abandonment

"There are poor people everywhere, but the deepest poverty is not being loved."


I know I don't do anywhere near enough.  Sometimes I think about what I do, I'm a teacher, and I feel like that IS my ministry (and it is) but sometimes I feel like that is a cop-out.  Because it is like saying that all my "reaching out" obligation are fulfilled in my job.  Yep, did that, went to work today, check!  That's all I need to do!

I know it' not.

I just can't seem to find the time or energy for anything else, so I throw money at the problem.  Every time I am at Safeway and they ask if I want to donate to this or that, I say yes.  When I am buying stuff online I do the same thing.  I don't have a cause, that I have found, that I want to totally get behind and give to, but I do give.  The problem is, that isn't what MT is talking about here.  She is talking about a different type of investing.  The investing of time, of energy, of listening.

I have a baby.

I know, surprise, right?

This is my other cop-out.  All of the time and energy I don't put towards my students, I put towards her, and my husband.  I feel like I haven't even had the time or energy for the latter, either.  Any time  I feel like biting his head off for nothing, I know I am not spending enough quality time with him.  He doesn't deserve my annoyance. He forced me to sleep in yesterday! ( I mean, snuck into the bedroom and turned off my alarm clock, then texted my friends and told them not to come over because I needed sleep.)

So, until I figure out what else to do, with my time and energy, I continue to say that my students and baby are my ministry, and continue to throw money at the other problems I encounter, because anything more feels like it would probably kill me right now.

Also, shout out to Pete, who I just found out yesterday reads this!  I thought my husband was my only reader!  Thanks Peter! (and Jeremy too...)

Tired

I'm tired this morning.  My baby is probably also tired.  She does not deal well with the heat, I think.  She has her father's internal heater, and last night she barely slept, and I think it was because it was so hot.  I also fed her more often last night.  I think she was getting thirsty, and I remembered from my reading that in the summer, I am what keeps her from getting dehydrated.

So, we are both pretty tired.  She started her sleeping before I did, but she also needs more sleep than I do so...

My prayer today is that I can be patient and kind to my students even as I struggle with wanting to crawl back into bed.