Chapter 12: Abandonment

"There are poor people everywhere, but the deepest poverty is not being loved."


I know I don't do anywhere near enough.  Sometimes I think about what I do, I'm a teacher, and I feel like that IS my ministry (and it is) but sometimes I feel like that is a cop-out.  Because it is like saying that all my "reaching out" obligation are fulfilled in my job.  Yep, did that, went to work today, check!  That's all I need to do!

I know it' not.

I just can't seem to find the time or energy for anything else, so I throw money at the problem.  Every time I am at Safeway and they ask if I want to donate to this or that, I say yes.  When I am buying stuff online I do the same thing.  I don't have a cause, that I have found, that I want to totally get behind and give to, but I do give.  The problem is, that isn't what MT is talking about here.  She is talking about a different type of investing.  The investing of time, of energy, of listening.

I have a baby.

I know, surprise, right?

This is my other cop-out.  All of the time and energy I don't put towards my students, I put towards her, and my husband.  I feel like I haven't even had the time or energy for the latter, either.  Any time  I feel like biting his head off for nothing, I know I am not spending enough quality time with him.  He doesn't deserve my annoyance. He forced me to sleep in yesterday! ( I mean, snuck into the bedroom and turned off my alarm clock, then texted my friends and told them not to come over because I needed sleep.)

So, until I figure out what else to do, with my time and energy, I continue to say that my students and baby are my ministry, and continue to throw money at the other problems I encounter, because anything more feels like it would probably kill me right now.

Also, shout out to Pete, who I just found out yesterday reads this!  I thought my husband was my only reader!  Thanks Peter! (and Jeremy too...)