Tired, excited, stressed, etc.

I am tired:  
I am tired because this is the last week of the quarter and I have been grading corrections every day until around 9:00pm.
I am tired because I haven't been sleeping well.
I am tired because...
I am excited:
I am excited because it is a 4 day week this week (with kids, I still have to go in on Friday)
I am excited because it is a 4 day week next week (with kids, but conferences are next week on Thursday and Friday)
I am excited because it is a 4 day week the week after, and then we have a whole week off after that.
I am excited because next week we begin making pumpkin pie.
I am excited because...
I am stressed:
I am stressed because we only have two weeks before Thanksgiving break (and there are only 4 days in each one).
I am stressed because after Thanksgiving we will only have three weeks left until our Christmas Program
I am stressed because I am in charge of the music for our Christmas Program (which is also exciting) and have been working hard getting the music together for it (which has made me tired).
I am stressed because I have one in-service day to do 3 days worth of things, and I have two meetings that day.
I am stressed because my house is a disaster (I am not sure if you know what DISASTER means, perhaps you should look it up in the dictionary--it describes my house)
I am stressed...

I am stressed because I am tired.
What stresses me also excites me.

Oh help
crazy me.

My own website

So, with the whole Blogging thing, I also became intregued with the idea of having my own classroom website, where parents can see homework assignments and other things that are going on in the classroom.  Here is a link to my classroom website.  Tell me what you think.

https://sites.google.com/site/obcsbakersbunch/

Goreme and Karanlik Kilise

So, I got my pictures back from our trip to Turkey this summer.  There is one place where we weren't allowed to take pictures, but I really wanted to show it somehow, so I looked up a video on youtube.  This place is located in Cappadocia, in Goreme's Open Air Museum.  

For those who don't know, Cappadocia is an area in central Turkey.  It eroded in such a way so as to leave what people call fairy chimneys.  The chimneys are huge pillars of rock all over the valley.  

When people moved into the area, instead of constructing their own buildings, they dug into the rock and built their houses and their churches.  They created vaulted ceilings, with frescos and mosaics in these churches.

Later, when other groups moved into the area and took it over, they defaced many magnificent frescos, scraping the eyes of the figures in some areas, and completely destroying others.  

Goreme's Open Air Museum allows the public to see many of these churches and houses, but none are so amazing as the dark church.  

The Dark Church (or Karanlik Kilise) is so named because it does not have windows, and so remains dark, which is one reason it is so well preserved.  The other reason it is so intact, is because it is hard to get to.  You first have to climb a few flights of stairs on the outside of the hill.  Then you have to go into the hill and climb up more stairs to get into the church itself.  

After climbing all over the hill side and climbing up and down stairs, we were tired, especially after seeing so many churches with only this sort of image left: 

Because of this weren't in the mood to do any more climbing.  I looked up those stairs and thought "this better be good."  It was. 

Better

This week was so much better, or at least, I feel better about it.  I was still spending 11-ish hours at school, but I did some fun things with my kids.  The planning was BETTER (we went outside and drew the outline of the Americas and Europe to show HOW explorers came to the Americas, oh, and we played American Revolution Tag-- I made it up, ask me sometime).  We got our math curriculum, and now I just have to figure out how to use it before Monday.  :)
I also feel like I have more energy even though the scale doesn't say I am losing weight.  That's fine.  At least I am not exhausted at the end of the day, right?--That first week of school was killer.

Oh, and I joined a Beth Moore Bible study.  It is on the book of James.  I am looking forward to it, even though it looks like it is going to be a tear-jerker.

Now, if you don't mind, I have to learn how to use this new curriculum--by Monday...
good bye

Mediocrity

I know that the world can hear me here, but they don't, not the world.  I do have a few readers and I thank you three (or so) for supporting me as I learn the ins and outs of blogging, but this post is not going to be a happy post, or an angsty post.  It isn't really even a whiny post.  It is a mediocre post.  This is a mediocre post because I am feeling mediocre.

I am not bad at what I do, but I am not good, or at least not right now.

I just finished off a summer of excellence, you must understand.  I didn't have work and I didn't have school, so I became my idea of excellence for myself.  I cooked dinner for my husband and myself, I kept the house clean, I kept the table clear of clutter, instead of cluttering then clearing.  I kept the living room tidy.  I re-organized my books.  I kept up with dishes instead of letting them laze around the sink for a week.  I took the garbage out.  I swept the floor AND mopped it.  I cleaned the bathrooms (multiple times).  I vacuumed.  I was cheerful.  I started going to Curves.  I was social and hung out with people.  I went to Turkey.  In May I finished up my Master's Degree.  I had a summer of excellence.

But now everything is different.  Now I am mediocre.  Now I am back at school and I spend 11 hours there a day.  I don't know what takes me so long either, because I still have to plan, and make copies, and grade papers after the 11 hours are over.  Then when I get home I am too tired to cook, so my husband cooks or we get fast food.  I don't do the dishes as I go, so I have a sink of dishes (or I did until yesterday morning).  The garabage needs to be taken out.  There is junk all over the kitchen table and on the living room floor.  I go to bed at 9:30pm in order to get to sleep so that when I wake up at 5:30 am I am not totally exhausted (just a little) and then I go to work out and my day begins again.

I don't feel like I am doing a GOOD job at anything right now.  I am doing it, and I am not RUINING anything, but I am not doing a GOOD job.

I want more than mediocrity.

I don't have the energy for more though.  Maybe I need organization, because honestly, 11 hours a day is just ridiculous.  Make no mistake, I LOVE my job.  I love it!  But something must be wrong when 11 hours a day is not enough.

On top of that, when we decide to have kids, I CAN'T work that much.  I can't.  So I need to figure this out.

How can I give more, and be more, and be better, without losing all of me?

Because I am tired of mediocrity.

Gripes

This is my little gripe session.  It is not going to be huge or heavy.  Just... I am tired.

I am tired, tired, tired.  Got to school a little after 6:30am, and left a little after 6pm.  My feet hurt.  I am hungry.  I am tired.  I still have more to do.  ALWAYS!

I am not sure if I hate that part or love it.  I am never done.  There is always SOMETHING to do.  Sometimes it is a great thing.  I am NEVER bored.  I can always find something to do.  Always.

Anyway, I am tired.  Oh, and my voice hurts...

The main problem, though, is me.  I forget.  I forget in the middle of it all, in the middle of the questions, the directions, the confusion and chaos.  I forget.  I forget WHO I am there for.  I get tired.
I remember at the beginning of the day, and I remember during Bible time, and on Wednesdays I remember during chapel, but in between, I forget.
I don't forget willfully.  I don't think to myself "I am going to forget WHO I am here for."  I just get lost.  I get lost in the questions, and the OH!s and the Huh?s and the chatter and chaos.  I get lost, and I get tired.

But, when I remember.... When I remember WHO I am there for....When I remember and take a moment....just a moment, to pause, and breathe in, and KNOW, I am refreshed.  I am renewed, and although my feet still hurt, and my voice still hurts, and I am hungry, and I still have more to do, I still feel peace.

Help me remember
Help me to remember the WHO in the midst of life.
Help me to take a moment
Help me to breathe

First Day Back

Well, Yesterday was my first day back to school (no kids yet though).  I have this weird habit of waking up the week before school starts at about the time I will be waking up when school starts, in order to get used to waking up early. That means that yesterday, although we didn't have anything scheduled until 10am, I got up at 5:40.  I went to work out, showered, made my lunch, ate breakfast, and got to school around 7:30.  Only one person was there.  No one else showed up until 8 or 8:30.  I stayed there until close to 7:30 pm.  I was tired.

I know you probably don't need me to reiterate this, but, I was tired.  I was so tired (and hungry by 5:30) that when my Man called me at 5:30 to talk about the computers were were trying to get working for the computer lab, I broke down and cried.  I told him I would talk to him later after I ate.  (I curse my body for going crazy when my blood sugar drops.)

After I ate, I was a little better, but when i got home around 7:40ish and tried to work on the three computers I hauled back home, I wasn't in a great state.  I thought I was fine until I couldn't get the monitor to work.  I tried it I don't know how many times and it just didn't work.  I wanted it all done for tomorrow and when I realized I couldn't (how can you work on a computer if you have no visual interface?) I cried again.

I decided at that point that if I was THAT tired (I was crying over a monitor not working when I have a school full of monitors not 2 minutes away), I should probably watch reruns of The Big Bang Theory on TV, then go to sleep.  And that is what I did.

I feel better this morning.

aside:  OH MY GOODNESS I HATE MY CRAZY BODY.  When it decides that I haven't eaten recently enough it goes crazy.  It may get a little dizzy, or make me feel really lethargic, or may make me feel like throwing up.  When it doesn't do that, it makes me incapable of making decisions.  I mean simple decisions.  I mean, we were at an airport and my body was telling me to eat, but it wouldn't let me pick something to eat, oh no.  It was going crazy.  I told Jeremy to get me something to eat and he started asking me UNREASONABLE questions like: What do you want to eat?  Do you want a sandwich?  How about McDonald's?  --UNREASONABLE!  I know it was unreasonable because the minute he started asking me these questions, my body went AAAAAHHHH, my brain seized up, and I started to cry.  Over food.  Over PICKING food.  Jeremy was like "what's wrong"  and I was like "JUST PICK ME SOMETHING TO EAT!"  the poor boy was so confused.  He didn't know what was wrong with me, but he sweetly picked me food.  I was better after I ate.


Anyway.  Yesterday was crazy, and today promises to be crazy as well.  I should try eating small amounts through the day, though, so I don't go crazy at the end of it.  We will see how that goes.

From my crazy life to yours: have a great day!