About how love and kindness changes lives and brings people back from the brink.
I am always pleasantly surprised about how many smiles I can find out in the world. I see someone in a car, driving past, and pass them a smile, and I would say at least 3/4 of the time, they pass a smile back. I know that when I am having a hard day, and cannot find my smile, many times a stranger will do some little thing (stop and let me in when driving, let me walk across the street when walking, etc.) that will put that smile back on my face.
I don't have any stories about bringing people back from the brink--not from my own experience--if any of you do, please share...
On another note, my baby slept pretty well last night and I feel pretty good too :)
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Friday, April 25, 2014
a little about me.
So, I have a confession, and I only feel ready to share it here because I believe God spoke to it last night.
First off, I need to say that now that I am a parent, I have very strong opinions about what I don't want to be. I have had quite a few example of abuse, and I don't want my child to fear me. That being said, I haven't been getting much sleep lately, and my beautiful, wonderful daughter has been taking a lot out of me. So much so that there have been times I have been so frustrated that I have involuntarily imagined doing things about it. Yesterday I saw myself hitting her in my mind's eye. I was feeding her at the time, and she was pulling at me, and crying, and I was frustrated. I have a lot of work to do for school, and around the house, and she is taking up SO MUCH TIME...and I know that is the nature of children, but yesterday...I don't know what it was, considering yesterday wasn't even the worst day this week...but it has been a very hard week for me.
So, I am feeding her, and she is hurting me, and in my mind I see myself hitting her. My two-month-old baby. Who does that? Who even thinks about hurting a little thing that wouldn't even be able to understand WHY. And I was afraid. Because I have been in the shoes of that child, and I DO NOT want her to go through that. And I cried out to God.
I snuggled that baby close to my and I cried out. I told God to take it out of me...the anger, the...everything icky that would cause me to even entertain the thought of hurting my baby. I cried and held her close to me.
And I felt some relief
And then, last night, she slept.
I mean, she slept for 7 hours straight.
I got up twice to check on her and make sure she wasn't dead, because she NEVER sleeps that long, and recently she has only been sleeping for an hour or two at a time.
She slept, and I slept too. I only slept for about 5 hours, since that is what my body is used to getting now...but that is 5 consecutive hours of sleep. She woke up around 4 to eat, and then I put her back down at 4:30 and I got another 1/2 hour of sleep on top of that!
THANK YOU GOD!
I believe that my past will not go away, ever, but I also believe that God has risen me up beyond my past, and will continue to lift me beyond it. With Him on my side, I will overcome, and I will not continue this cycle.
It ends here.
First off, I need to say that now that I am a parent, I have very strong opinions about what I don't want to be. I have had quite a few example of abuse, and I don't want my child to fear me. That being said, I haven't been getting much sleep lately, and my beautiful, wonderful daughter has been taking a lot out of me. So much so that there have been times I have been so frustrated that I have involuntarily imagined doing things about it. Yesterday I saw myself hitting her in my mind's eye. I was feeding her at the time, and she was pulling at me, and crying, and I was frustrated. I have a lot of work to do for school, and around the house, and she is taking up SO MUCH TIME...and I know that is the nature of children, but yesterday...I don't know what it was, considering yesterday wasn't even the worst day this week...but it has been a very hard week for me.
So, I am feeding her, and she is hurting me, and in my mind I see myself hitting her. My two-month-old baby. Who does that? Who even thinks about hurting a little thing that wouldn't even be able to understand WHY. And I was afraid. Because I have been in the shoes of that child, and I DO NOT want her to go through that. And I cried out to God.
I snuggled that baby close to my and I cried out. I told God to take it out of me...the anger, the...everything icky that would cause me to even entertain the thought of hurting my baby. I cried and held her close to me.
And I felt some relief
And then, last night, she slept.
I mean, she slept for 7 hours straight.
I got up twice to check on her and make sure she wasn't dead, because she NEVER sleeps that long, and recently she has only been sleeping for an hour or two at a time.
She slept, and I slept too. I only slept for about 5 hours, since that is what my body is used to getting now...but that is 5 consecutive hours of sleep. She woke up around 4 to eat, and then I put her back down at 4:30 and I got another 1/2 hour of sleep on top of that!
THANK YOU GOD!
I believe that my past will not go away, ever, but I also believe that God has risen me up beyond my past, and will continue to lift me beyond it. With Him on my side, I will overcome, and I will not continue this cycle.
It ends here.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Chapter 10: to notice the beauty in others
Yesterday's post was supposed to go out yesterday, but it wouldn't let me post for some reason, so two are going out today.
Big quote today, but it is because it is exactly what I would say:
"If we were more willing to see the good and beautiful things that surround us (instead of focusing on the negative), we would be able to transform our families. From there we would change our next-door-neighbors and then others who live in our neighborhood or city. We would be able to bring peace and love to the world, which hungers so much for these things.
I believe that the heart and mind of the world are truly changed, not by those in power, but by those in relationship. If we focus on bringing life and light to those next to us, we can change the world.
That is what I believe...take that as you will...I AM a self-proclaimed romantic....
Big quote today, but it is because it is exactly what I would say:
"If we were more willing to see the good and beautiful things that surround us (instead of focusing on the negative), we would be able to transform our families. From there we would change our next-door-neighbors and then others who live in our neighborhood or city. We would be able to bring peace and love to the world, which hungers so much for these things.
I believe that the heart and mind of the world are truly changed, not by those in power, but by those in relationship. If we focus on bringing life and light to those next to us, we can change the world.
That is what I believe...take that as you will...I AM a self-proclaimed romantic....
Chapter 9: Giving Freely
The idea is that God gives freely, so we, too, should give freely...
Also, on the idea that giving to the poor without making them work for it spoils them...
1. God gives to us without us having to work for it.
2. Many places give to the rich without making them work for it...they receive special treatment simply because they are rich
--shouldn't the poor be just as important as we are, or the rich are?
I agree, and kind of don't... Giving to charity, helping people who need help is important...but at the same time we don't want to enable destructive behavior. How am I to tell the difference between the people who really need help and the people who want to take advantage of the system...
I can't always...but I think that helping those who need help is more important than making sure people tow the line and don't take advantage of me. If I can tell the difference, great! But if not, I think it is better to give and be taken advantage of, than to not give and allow someone to go on suffering in need.
Also, on the idea that giving to the poor without making them work for it spoils them...
1. God gives to us without us having to work for it.
2. Many places give to the rich without making them work for it...they receive special treatment simply because they are rich
--shouldn't the poor be just as important as we are, or the rich are?
I agree, and kind of don't... Giving to charity, helping people who need help is important...but at the same time we don't want to enable destructive behavior. How am I to tell the difference between the people who really need help and the people who want to take advantage of the system...
I can't always...but I think that helping those who need help is more important than making sure people tow the line and don't take advantage of me. If I can tell the difference, great! But if not, I think it is better to give and be taken advantage of, than to not give and allow someone to go on suffering in need.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Chapter 8--The distressing disguise of suffering
"You saw the priest during the Mass, with what love and what delicate care he touched the body of Christ. Make sure you do the same thing when you get to the home, because Jesus is there in a distressing disguise"
Touch the body of Christ--with love and delicate care.
The ones who hurt, who are dirty, homeless, hopeless...
The ones who long for comfort, for love...
The children I see every day, some who aren't sure if their siblings will be going to jail again, who wonder if their parents will drink again today who wonder if their mother really loves them or why their father left, who live with the weight of the world on their shoulders at the age of 9...
"Jesus is there in a distressing disguise"...
Touch the body of Christ--with love and delicate care.
The ones who hurt, who are dirty, homeless, hopeless...
The ones who long for comfort, for love...
The children I see every day, some who aren't sure if their siblings will be going to jail again, who wonder if their parents will drink again today who wonder if their mother really loves them or why their father left, who live with the weight of the world on their shoulders at the age of 9...
"Jesus is there in a distressing disguise"...
Monday, April 21, 2014
Chapter ? --Remember the small things
The book doesn't actually have chapter titles, so I don't know what chapter I am on.
Remember the small things
It was a beautiful story of a man who had a filthy house. No one ever came to visit him, so he saw no need to clean or take care of himself. Mother T. found a lamp in his house and he said he never lit the lamp because no one ever comes to see him. She negotiated that he light the lamp each night if the Sisters who lived near him came and visited.
It was a small thing, she said, and she forgot about him with all the other things in her life, but two years later he sent her a message: "Please tell my friend that the light she lit in my life continues to shine still."
Never forget to sow kindness to those around you
sometimes the smallest things to you, have a huge effect for someone else.
I will try to remember this today.
Remember the small things
It was a beautiful story of a man who had a filthy house. No one ever came to visit him, so he saw no need to clean or take care of himself. Mother T. found a lamp in his house and he said he never lit the lamp because no one ever comes to see him. She negotiated that he light the lamp each night if the Sisters who lived near him came and visited.
It was a small thing, she said, and she forgot about him with all the other things in her life, but two years later he sent her a message: "Please tell my friend that the light she lit in my life continues to shine still."
Never forget to sow kindness to those around you
sometimes the smallest things to you, have a huge effect for someone else.
I will try to remember this today.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
taking another break
I know, I know, what is up with this girl? She says she is going to start doing devotions in the morning and then she takes all these breaks. Well, devotions take time, and in about 10 minutes I am going to get my baby up for a long, liesurly, morning feeding.
You see, what happened is that I fed her the formula yesterday (Gerber soothe) and she didn't want it, and she didn't even eat an ounce of it. Afterwards she quickly fell asleep, and when I tried to feed her an hour and a half later, around lunch time, she threw up all over me. She ate two smaller meals later in the afternoon just fine, but when I fed her before bed, she ate a lot and then threw it all up again, so I have only been letting her eat a little bit at a time all night. She is probably super hungry now. So, I am going to finish my breakfast, pack our bags and load them in the car, then go get her and try to not make her throw up again.
Also, time to find a different type of formula.
--Me
You see, what happened is that I fed her the formula yesterday (Gerber soothe) and she didn't want it, and she didn't even eat an ounce of it. Afterwards she quickly fell asleep, and when I tried to feed her an hour and a half later, around lunch time, she threw up all over me. She ate two smaller meals later in the afternoon just fine, but when I fed her before bed, she ate a lot and then threw it all up again, so I have only been letting her eat a little bit at a time all night. She is probably super hungry now. So, I am going to finish my breakfast, pack our bags and load them in the car, then go get her and try to not make her throw up again.
Also, time to find a different type of formula.
--Me
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)