So, I just had my kids write a reflection of how these three songs relate to their lives:
Voice of Truth
Until the Whole World Hears
Oceans (Where feet may fail)
And, I thought this would be a good time to do my own journal writing. I will probably start it now, but I doubt they can all write as long as I can, so I will probably finish it later...
In fact, I am already starting to hear restless paper movement, so I may have to come back to this later.
Today Jolaine and several highschoolers are at a Memorial Service for the mother of one of our students. We have a sub in her room, and things are going well here, but my thoughts and prayers rest with Jo and our kids.
This Jr. Higher is going through so much, guilt, anger, saddness...and it is almost too much for her to bear.
They are worried she may run...she has a history. If I were her, I would think about it too, knowing what she will have to face there. So, they have gone to support and become a circle of protection around this girl. My prayers are with them.
I pray that during this she feels God's hedge of protection around her.
I pray they feel the peace that Paul felt in prison--the kind that transcends understanding.
I pray that their actions show her the Love of God, and that she will truly see the work of God in this situation.
I pray that they come back changed and unified with God's will, strength, and vision.
I hear she hears the Voice of Truth through the voices of CFCA surrounding her, and that she turns, and truly listens, and begins to love herself again.
Maybe I did have time...
Friday, April 10, 2015
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Devotion
So, my virtue of this week was Devotion. No, really, it was. It just so happens that God thinks he is HILARIOUS, and so on the week I am supposed to be practicing devotion, my baby gets sick. I mean really sick.
Here was my week.
To preface, Baby has had a mild head cold since Sunday the 25th ish of January. Then, on Sunday night of February 1st, she develops a fever. I think nothing of it, really, but call our daycare provider to let her know, because most of the time a kid can't go in to daycare or school if they have had a fever within the last 24 hrs.
So, we understand that Vivian is not going to daycare tomorrow, and Jeremy is out of PTO (paid time off) and since we need him to make money, since I barely make any, I am staying home with the baby.
Our daycare provider, who also happens to be Jeremy's (and I claim her to be mine as well) sister in law, suggest that we take her to the dr. because if they develop a fever after they are already sick, it could be an infection.
So, Monday morning (was it really only Monday?) I call the Dr, and they can't fit me in, but one of their colleges can. So, we make an appointment for 2:20 (this is after a day of so much crying and sleeping on Vivian's part that I am really glad at this point that I have decided to take her in.) I get her ready, and we are running a little late, which I hate, and then I realize I need gas. So, already in a rush, we pull into the FM gas station (with V crying in the back seat) and they have two lanes closed and each open lane has a line of at least 4 cars. I don't have time. So, I turn around, talking to God about how He should make better choices, and how I was going to leave the gas tank in His hands because I had enough to worry about, trying to drive safely with a crying child.
We get there on time, (gas light came on half way) and we are taken back to see the nurse. I don't remember much of that day, other than these snippets
2 and 1/2 hrs with a crying/sleeping/crying/sleeping child in the dr office
Dr. says things like:
hear something in the lungs
chest x-ray in case pneumonia
antibiotics
respiratory rate is fast
worrysome
double infection
emergency room
Dornbecker's
blood work
possible cathter
So, after 2 and 1/2 hrs, they send us to the Beaverton clinic on Western to get antibiotics, bloodwork and a chest x-ray. I also, at this point notice, that Vivian hasn't really taken any fluids since 8:30 that morning, and has barely wet any diapers. I mention that, and they note it, but don't say much about it at this point.
So, shaken up, I take a crying baby outside (she calms down almost immediately) and call Jeremy to come get us and take us to Western.
We get the x-ray, pick up antibiotics, and get the blood drawn (3 tries...it took them 3 tries while I am holding my poor screaming baby in a vice-like bear hug to keep her from moving...) X-ray is negative for pneumonia, so we now don't need the antibiotics we have purchased.
We go home, and she still refuses liquids (took a few sips of water and that was it). I call the advise nurse, and he tells us to monitor her intake. If she goes 8 hours without urinating, take her to emergency. Also look for uncommon behavior, like excessive irritability (really? She's sick! of course she's irritable) I am more confused now than I was before I got on the phone. So do we take her, or is this just the nothing I thought it was just that morning?
Sleep barely happened for anyone. Tuesday morning we get up and I change her diaper. Tiny bit of yellow, and a tiny bit of pink. I immediately freak out and call again. I am waiting on the phone for 5 minutes on hold. Finally, Jeremy and I just take her to the emergency room. Triage, wait, crying baby, she has some Popsicle (yeayy), more inspections. It is either an upper respiratory virus, or a UTI. The only way to tell if it is a UTI is a catheter. They suggest going home and waiting a day or two. They at least gave me some useful info.
1. You can give infant IBprofun every 6 hours
2. You can give infant tylenol every 4 hours
3. You can give Infant IBprofun, then wait three hours, give Tylenol, wait another 3 and give IBprofun, in that pattern, to keep the fever down.
4. Give her any liquid she wants: applesause, juice, milk, water, formula, popsickles--anything to get liquid into her
5. This virus usually lasts 2-5 days.
6. watch for signs of dehydration--instead of being clingy, she doesn't want to be touched, is lethargic and stares off into space.
So, we go home (around 1 on Tuesday) and follow the advice. Tuesday evening she starts taking more liquids. Wednesday is better, and I think I will be able to go back to school Thursday, until her fever comes back Wednesday night...
Anyway, still sick, but so much better...and no fever since Wed. night.
But, I think I have learned a little bit about devotion. I am just hoping I don't have to repeat this lesson any time soon.
(There was a point when I yelled at God, as my baby cried in pain and frustration. I needed sleep, and I was frustrated as well. I told him that I knew I need to learn patience, but I was sure he could think of another way to teach me, other than torturing her. She fell asleep a few minutes later...Thanks God!)
Here was my week.
To preface, Baby has had a mild head cold since Sunday the 25th ish of January. Then, on Sunday night of February 1st, she develops a fever. I think nothing of it, really, but call our daycare provider to let her know, because most of the time a kid can't go in to daycare or school if they have had a fever within the last 24 hrs.
So, we understand that Vivian is not going to daycare tomorrow, and Jeremy is out of PTO (paid time off) and since we need him to make money, since I barely make any, I am staying home with the baby.
Our daycare provider, who also happens to be Jeremy's (and I claim her to be mine as well) sister in law, suggest that we take her to the dr. because if they develop a fever after they are already sick, it could be an infection.
So, Monday morning (was it really only Monday?) I call the Dr, and they can't fit me in, but one of their colleges can. So, we make an appointment for 2:20 (this is after a day of so much crying and sleeping on Vivian's part that I am really glad at this point that I have decided to take her in.) I get her ready, and we are running a little late, which I hate, and then I realize I need gas. So, already in a rush, we pull into the FM gas station (with V crying in the back seat) and they have two lanes closed and each open lane has a line of at least 4 cars. I don't have time. So, I turn around, talking to God about how He should make better choices, and how I was going to leave the gas tank in His hands because I had enough to worry about, trying to drive safely with a crying child.
We get there on time, (gas light came on half way) and we are taken back to see the nurse. I don't remember much of that day, other than these snippets
2 and 1/2 hrs with a crying/sleeping/crying/sleeping child in the dr office
Dr. says things like:
hear something in the lungs
chest x-ray in case pneumonia
antibiotics
respiratory rate is fast
worrysome
double infection
emergency room
Dornbecker's
blood work
possible cathter
So, after 2 and 1/2 hrs, they send us to the Beaverton clinic on Western to get antibiotics, bloodwork and a chest x-ray. I also, at this point notice, that Vivian hasn't really taken any fluids since 8:30 that morning, and has barely wet any diapers. I mention that, and they note it, but don't say much about it at this point.
So, shaken up, I take a crying baby outside (she calms down almost immediately) and call Jeremy to come get us and take us to Western.
We get the x-ray, pick up antibiotics, and get the blood drawn (3 tries...it took them 3 tries while I am holding my poor screaming baby in a vice-like bear hug to keep her from moving...) X-ray is negative for pneumonia, so we now don't need the antibiotics we have purchased.
We go home, and she still refuses liquids (took a few sips of water and that was it). I call the advise nurse, and he tells us to monitor her intake. If she goes 8 hours without urinating, take her to emergency. Also look for uncommon behavior, like excessive irritability (really? She's sick! of course she's irritable) I am more confused now than I was before I got on the phone. So do we take her, or is this just the nothing I thought it was just that morning?
Sleep barely happened for anyone. Tuesday morning we get up and I change her diaper. Tiny bit of yellow, and a tiny bit of pink. I immediately freak out and call again. I am waiting on the phone for 5 minutes on hold. Finally, Jeremy and I just take her to the emergency room. Triage, wait, crying baby, she has some Popsicle (yeayy), more inspections. It is either an upper respiratory virus, or a UTI. The only way to tell if it is a UTI is a catheter. They suggest going home and waiting a day or two. They at least gave me some useful info.
1. You can give infant IBprofun every 6 hours
2. You can give infant tylenol every 4 hours
3. You can give Infant IBprofun, then wait three hours, give Tylenol, wait another 3 and give IBprofun, in that pattern, to keep the fever down.
4. Give her any liquid she wants: applesause, juice, milk, water, formula, popsickles--anything to get liquid into her
5. This virus usually lasts 2-5 days.
6. watch for signs of dehydration--instead of being clingy, she doesn't want to be touched, is lethargic and stares off into space.
So, we go home (around 1 on Tuesday) and follow the advice. Tuesday evening she starts taking more liquids. Wednesday is better, and I think I will be able to go back to school Thursday, until her fever comes back Wednesday night...
Anyway, still sick, but so much better...and no fever since Wed. night.
But, I think I have learned a little bit about devotion. I am just hoping I don't have to repeat this lesson any time soon.
(There was a point when I yelled at God, as my baby cried in pain and frustration. I needed sleep, and I was frustrated as well. I told him that I knew I need to learn patience, but I was sure he could think of another way to teach me, other than torturing her. She fell asleep a few minutes later...Thanks God!)
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Commitment
Ok, so this is funny. This week's word is Commitment, and when I read it this is what it says:
"When we commit our lives to God, something happens deep within us. Our priorities begin to change. We begin to see the spiritual truth in everyday life..."
This sounds a whole lot like my week of re-centering.
It is as if God wants me to keep doing it, or something (I say this, knowing that the book was written well before I began doing this, but also knowing that God knew I would be here one day... not that the whole book revolved around me when it was being written...Maybe God just brought me to this book because he knew I would need it at this time...???
Regardless... Here we go Commitment!
"When we commit our lives to God, something happens deep within us. Our priorities begin to change. We begin to see the spiritual truth in everyday life..."
This sounds a whole lot like my week of re-centering.
It is as if God wants me to keep doing it, or something (I say this, knowing that the book was written well before I began doing this, but also knowing that God knew I would be here one day... not that the whole book revolved around me when it was being written...Maybe God just brought me to this book because he knew I would need it at this time...???
Regardless... Here we go Commitment!
My week of re-centering
Wow, this week wasn't so bad. I am a little tired since the monster slept so poorly last night, but on the whole, I feel a lot more balanced than normal.
That isn't to say that I don't have papers to grade, grades to enter, a house to clean, a dishwasher to fix, food to make, and a body that needs to lose weight before my knee breaks altogether (it has been hurting pretty regularly now).
Nope, I have stuff to do.
Stuff with deadlines...
Stuff that is WORK...
Stuff that is exhausting...
And not quite enough sleep... still...
But I feel ok about it.
What is different? What have I done, or made a habit of doing in the last few days that I had been missing?
I stop and pray.
In the middle of the stuff and the demands and the deadlines, when something comes across my desk, my e-mail, my ears, I stop and pray. Just a small prayer. It only takes a few seconds... but I take the time, the energy, the focus, to stop.
It isn't easy though! I have a line of students at my desk needing help, panicking because they need everything done and turned in within an hour. Mrs. Davis pops her head in and says she needs to run one of the baby goats to the vet...it is wheezing and not doing well. I have papers to grade and kids to help, and now two classrooms to supervise. I pause and pray. I pray for the goat, and the family that has been bottle feeding it every 2 hours around the clock for the last week. Kids need my help. The class in the other room gets louder, but I pause and pray.
And it made a difference, I think. Now, of course, I am approaching this from a specific worldview, and not everyone who may come across and read this may be from this view.
It could be that I pause and center... a form of meditation...
It could be that I reclaim a tiny bit of myself within the madness...
I could be.....
I know... I know it could be... but my center IS God, or should be anyway. And yes, I do reclaim a tiny bit of myself within the madness... the tiny bit of myself that is that of God within me, which I sometimes lose in the madness.
Whatever you would like to call it, when I find my center, even when everything else is rushing at breakneck speed around me, I find a tiny spot of quiet, and for a moment, that is where I live. For now, it is enough.
That isn't to say that I don't have papers to grade, grades to enter, a house to clean, a dishwasher to fix, food to make, and a body that needs to lose weight before my knee breaks altogether (it has been hurting pretty regularly now).
Nope, I have stuff to do.
Stuff with deadlines...
Stuff that is WORK...
Stuff that is exhausting...
And not quite enough sleep... still...
But I feel ok about it.
What is different? What have I done, or made a habit of doing in the last few days that I had been missing?
I stop and pray.
In the middle of the stuff and the demands and the deadlines, when something comes across my desk, my e-mail, my ears, I stop and pray. Just a small prayer. It only takes a few seconds... but I take the time, the energy, the focus, to stop.
It isn't easy though! I have a line of students at my desk needing help, panicking because they need everything done and turned in within an hour. Mrs. Davis pops her head in and says she needs to run one of the baby goats to the vet...it is wheezing and not doing well. I have papers to grade and kids to help, and now two classrooms to supervise. I pause and pray. I pray for the goat, and the family that has been bottle feeding it every 2 hours around the clock for the last week. Kids need my help. The class in the other room gets louder, but I pause and pray.
And it made a difference, I think. Now, of course, I am approaching this from a specific worldview, and not everyone who may come across and read this may be from this view.
It could be that I pause and center... a form of meditation...
It could be that I reclaim a tiny bit of myself within the madness...
I could be.....
I know... I know it could be... but my center IS God, or should be anyway. And yes, I do reclaim a tiny bit of myself within the madness... the tiny bit of myself that is that of God within me, which I sometimes lose in the madness.
Whatever you would like to call it, when I find my center, even when everything else is rushing at breakneck speed around me, I find a tiny spot of quiet, and for a moment, that is where I live. For now, it is enough.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Wow...and Wow
So, my week of balance (last week if anyone is keeping track... was NOT a week of balance...
Thus the NOT POSTING.
When I finally had time to post, it was 9:00, the baby was barely in bed, and I didn't want to do anything but vegg out on the couch...
On Saturday Jeremy was away all day hanging with the guys (Yeayy for guy's days out!) and I got to play with my baby all day. On Sunday we had church, and then I worked all afternoon while Jeremy took the baby over to a friend's house so I could concentrate (because she is very distractingly adorable when she wants her momma!) and on Monday I had no school, but daycare was closed, so I had the baby again (so cute!). Anyway, crazyness! It is the end of the quarter and kids are freaking out because they have all this missing work (that I have been telling them for a while that they need to get done, hello!) and the last day to turn in papers is tomorrow.
Jeremy did dishes last night
Jeremy took out the trash last night
Jessie did nothing... I'm not helpful
I run and run and run all day, fixing other people's problems, being blamed for kids not doing things when I tell them they need to, needing to solve conflicts that parents should be taking care of at home, and teaching kids when it is GOOD to tattle and when it is BAD to tattle. I move move move all day long, and when I get home I am tired.
I have to talk myself into NOT being selfish (and often I lose). I need to continue to work on balance, because if I can balance my life a little more, then maybe I won't be so ready to quit everything when I get home.
I am at school now, and my book is not here with me... but this is the point where I remember...
I remember what the week of balance was all about...
(you got to love how much I use ellipses!...)
It was about focusing on the important things... the center.
So I am going to Curves again (Yeayyy) two days a week, and they have just started this video thing during it, so you are on a machine for a bit, and then you switch to what is on the video, and currently it is a balance exercise (I just got this! Thanks God! ...smart aleck!) Anyway, when you do the balance exercises, you are supposed to pull in your stomach and focus on your center. It is amazing how well it works to balance you!
And that is what the book was talking about! Pulling everything in toward the center! Balance!
So, what I really need is not more weeks to practice JUGGLING all the things I need to do... but I need to focus on the CENTER, and everything else will fall into place!
Thus the NOT POSTING.
When I finally had time to post, it was 9:00, the baby was barely in bed, and I didn't want to do anything but vegg out on the couch...
On Saturday Jeremy was away all day hanging with the guys (Yeayy for guy's days out!) and I got to play with my baby all day. On Sunday we had church, and then I worked all afternoon while Jeremy took the baby over to a friend's house so I could concentrate (because she is very distractingly adorable when she wants her momma!) and on Monday I had no school, but daycare was closed, so I had the baby again (so cute!). Anyway, crazyness! It is the end of the quarter and kids are freaking out because they have all this missing work (that I have been telling them for a while that they need to get done, hello!) and the last day to turn in papers is tomorrow.
Jeremy did dishes last night
Jeremy took out the trash last night
Jessie did nothing... I'm not helpful
I run and run and run all day, fixing other people's problems, being blamed for kids not doing things when I tell them they need to, needing to solve conflicts that parents should be taking care of at home, and teaching kids when it is GOOD to tattle and when it is BAD to tattle. I move move move all day long, and when I get home I am tired.
I have to talk myself into NOT being selfish (and often I lose). I need to continue to work on balance, because if I can balance my life a little more, then maybe I won't be so ready to quit everything when I get home.
I am at school now, and my book is not here with me... but this is the point where I remember...
I remember what the week of balance was all about...
(you got to love how much I use ellipses!...)
It was about focusing on the important things... the center.
So I am going to Curves again (Yeayyy) two days a week, and they have just started this video thing during it, so you are on a machine for a bit, and then you switch to what is on the video, and currently it is a balance exercise (I just got this! Thanks God! ...smart aleck!) Anyway, when you do the balance exercises, you are supposed to pull in your stomach and focus on your center. It is amazing how well it works to balance you!
And that is what the book was talking about! Pulling everything in toward the center! Balance!
So, what I really need is not more weeks to practice JUGGLING all the things I need to do... but I need to focus on the CENTER, and everything else will fall into place!
Monday, January 12, 2015
Balance
So, I was going to post this last night, but this weekend was busy.
First was Saturday, when I went to the mall and bought some much needed, and very comfortable shoes (and each pair is more than I have ever spent on shoes in my whole life, and probably more than 5 times more than I usually spend on shoes, but they were so comfortable my feet refused to settle for anything less...) I got back later than I thought I would, and stayed up after bedtime making banana bread and scones (I can't remember the last time I baked, and it felt good!)
Then Sunday was church, and then the usual crowd came over and I didn't get started on my school work until 5. Also, it is very difficult to concentrate on grading papers when there is an adorable baby at you knee demanding to be picked up. So I got most of that done after V. went to bed, which was close to 9. At 10 I was finally finished, and I could have written here (let's be authentic shall we) but I was tired and just wanted to watch the last half of Avengers, lie on the couch, and make a candy cane so pokey it could stab someone (or at least my tongue).
So, this seems like the perfect time to talk about balance. And maybe being authentic about balance in my life...
My coworker is amazing. She comes to school every Monday detailing the long list of huge things she has accomplished during the weekend. She gets up early, is active all day with 4-H shows, and her farm, and her schoolwork, etc. and goes to bed at 1 or later each day. This repeats during the school week as well, where she is always shuttling kids to and from something (not during teaching hours) and rarely does she talk about having down time. Each day she comes in, talking about how busy her night is, and to hear her tell it (and I believe her) she only gets about 4 hours of sleep each night and no just sit down and relax time between.
I find myself constantly making excuses for myself. I tell her I didn't have time to finish grading papers, because I was so busy, when the reality was that at 9:00 I got so tired and bored that I watched tv for 45 minutes to decompress, then I went to bed around 10. It feels like I am cheating if I tell her that I got 6 hours of sleep. I compare myself to her all the time, and always feel like I come up short. She is Super Girl and I am an extra.
But that is not the reality. The reality is that I need to lead a life of Balance. Not Balance for her, but Balance for me. I need about 1/2 and hour to an hour of NO WORK time before bed, or I won't sleep. And I need sleep. I know what I need, and I endeavor to give those things to myself, but I also need to be authentic about it as well. I can't feel afraid to tell the truth.
We have one and a half weeks until report cards. That means that students will be turning in a crazy amount of work this week. God help me keep these things in balance: Work, Family, Friends, and Me, so I can effectively do your work in all aspects of my life.
First was Saturday, when I went to the mall and bought some much needed, and very comfortable shoes (and each pair is more than I have ever spent on shoes in my whole life, and probably more than 5 times more than I usually spend on shoes, but they were so comfortable my feet refused to settle for anything less...) I got back later than I thought I would, and stayed up after bedtime making banana bread and scones (I can't remember the last time I baked, and it felt good!)
Then Sunday was church, and then the usual crowd came over and I didn't get started on my school work until 5. Also, it is very difficult to concentrate on grading papers when there is an adorable baby at you knee demanding to be picked up. So I got most of that done after V. went to bed, which was close to 9. At 10 I was finally finished, and I could have written here (let's be authentic shall we) but I was tired and just wanted to watch the last half of Avengers, lie on the couch, and make a candy cane so pokey it could stab someone (or at least my tongue).
So, this seems like the perfect time to talk about balance. And maybe being authentic about balance in my life...
My coworker is amazing. She comes to school every Monday detailing the long list of huge things she has accomplished during the weekend. She gets up early, is active all day with 4-H shows, and her farm, and her schoolwork, etc. and goes to bed at 1 or later each day. This repeats during the school week as well, where she is always shuttling kids to and from something (not during teaching hours) and rarely does she talk about having down time. Each day she comes in, talking about how busy her night is, and to hear her tell it (and I believe her) she only gets about 4 hours of sleep each night and no just sit down and relax time between.
I find myself constantly making excuses for myself. I tell her I didn't have time to finish grading papers, because I was so busy, when the reality was that at 9:00 I got so tired and bored that I watched tv for 45 minutes to decompress, then I went to bed around 10. It feels like I am cheating if I tell her that I got 6 hours of sleep. I compare myself to her all the time, and always feel like I come up short. She is Super Girl and I am an extra.
But that is not the reality. The reality is that I need to lead a life of Balance. Not Balance for her, but Balance for me. I need about 1/2 and hour to an hour of NO WORK time before bed, or I won't sleep. And I need sleep. I know what I need, and I endeavor to give those things to myself, but I also need to be authentic about it as well. I can't feel afraid to tell the truth.
We have one and a half weeks until report cards. That means that students will be turning in a crazy amount of work this week. God help me keep these things in balance: Work, Family, Friends, and Me, so I can effectively do your work in all aspects of my life.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Authenticity--Summing it up
First of all, to sum up my week of authenticity, I posted these AUTHENTIC pictures of my living room and kitchen on facebook:
All in all, I have learned a lot about choosing to be absolutely honest with God and being politely honest with others (not just polite) and I have found that it takes a lot of anger away when I am honest and don't have to HIDE (or try to hide) how I feel about things. I feel a lot lighter writing this, now, than I felt last week. I also found myself talking to God again, about random things during the day, and I think I forgot I wasn't doing that. Bringing God into the little moment, just to comment to Him about things, or to ask rhetorical questions, brings Him into the forefront of my mind, which, in itself, calms and centers me. I missed that, and didn't realize it.
So, thank you Authenticity! I hope to continue thinking about you and apply what I learned from you as I enter into this next week.
Hello Balance!
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